Navigating the New Year’s Eve Abyss: Strategies for Maintaining Sanity

The tumultuous joys of Christmas are now a distant memory, or so we hope. Christmas, in principle, is a family affair, although the term “celebration” is often subjective. Between in-laws, parents, other people’s children, your own, the obligatory gift-giving, the never-ending meal, and the Christmas tree shedding needles all over the stairs for the next three weeks, it can be a delicate affair. However, theoretically, it’s all within the family. But the worst is yet to come: New Year’s Eve.

The sensible souls often opt for the wisdom of staying home, away from the festivities, and prefer to immerse themselves in an existential Bergman film. Unfortunately, the spouse, significant other, or that new person in the middle whose gender you’re not exactly sure of often insists on an epic celebration with copious amounts of alcohol and dreadful music. The least painful solution is to be invited somewhere, allowing for a discreet retreat before the ultimate heaviness sets in. But what to do when everything unfolds at home?

Creative subterfuge becomes the order of the day: reciting Cioran quotes while standing on a table, discussing great films with Gérard Depardieu, initiating a debate on the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, or lighter topics like euthanasia, immigration law, and so on.

Various conversations guarantee as much entertainment as they do trouble. To shorten the evening and encourage the departure of the spirited assembly, nothing beats playing Yoko Ono’s solo albums (photo). Luckily, there’s no need to own them; streaming platforms gladly take care of that. And, when the moment of New Year’s resolutions arrives, just pull out the killer line: “I’ve decided not to unintentionally hurt people anymore. And you? I suppose you’re planning to lose weight?”